The Blue Seashell

            For those of you who have never spent much time around kids or simply don’t know, children have this uncanny ability to find their way into your heart when you’re least expecting it. Its true! Even the kid who gets under your skin! Turn away for one moment, and before you realize it, that kid has found a way in and is making his or her self at home in your heart!

 

            An example of this was our churches annual Kids camp back in June. I have to say that out of all my years of Camp volunteering (about 4 or 5 years), this was the all around best camp ever! I was so blessed by all the girls in my cabin! God faithfully orchestrated all the logistics better than I could have imagined! True to form, before the first day was out, all nine of my little 4^th grade campers had decidedly taken up residence in my heart, begging to have their “love buckets” constantly filled. I soon saw that God had chosen these specific girls to be in my cabin because all of them need to simply be loved. So, with God’s help, I set out to do my best.  

 

                        Out of all of the girls, Britney in particular stole my heart. She was a small, blonde headed, shorthaired, green eyed, bundle of sweetness, with a smile that could melt even the hardest heart! On the first night in chapel, when I noticed her sitting by herself I asked how she was doing. I was kinda surprised when she told me she was “a little sad, I guess.” When I asked why, she started sobbing and told me she missed her dad. Long story short, her dad died when she was very young, and she now lives with her mom, step dad and multiple stepbrothers and sisters… at least, that is what I pieced together. What do you tell a sobbing, hurting girl who misses the father she never knew and doesn’t understand why he is gone? Sigh… its enough to break your heart. 

 

            After that, Britney became my shadow. Always at my side, hugging me and holding my hand… even asking to carry my big fatty bag around for me! Haha, a couple times I had to keep myself from getting frustrated because whenever I would go on my break, or run an earned, or try and do anything alone; I would take off  “by myself “only to discover little Britney had followed me.  Each time, I reminded myself that she just needed love. So with a hug and a smile, I would send her back to the group.  

 

            One day, as we were cleaning our cabin, Britney came up to me, flashing one of her killer smiles that lights up her entire face and handed my a seashell… a blue seashell (I think it had once been normal but at some point Britney decided it would look better with blue marker on it). Thinking she was showing it to me, so I told how nice and beautiful it was. She smiled even bigger and told me she wanted me to have it! Some of you may think that its a bit silly. But me? I nearly cried! She hardly had anything at all, yet she decided to give me this little treasure… to remember her by. You see, if a child gives you something (no matter how insignificant it seems) it’s a sure sign that the kid trusts you completely and wants you know it… Britney even put her name on the back “just to be sure you don’t forget me!” (As if that’s even possible!)  

 

            I must admit, it is a bit comical! I mean, why did she even have a blue seashell in the first place?!?! And why did she give it to me? Well… I honestly don’t know. But within this childish act, God taught me a valuable lesson. I have at times asked myself, why did God send his son to die for us? I mean, I know it was to save us from our sins and all that, but what initially triggered God’s decision to give up his beloved son for us sinners? As I looked into Britney’s beautiful eyes and remembered her that first night crying in heartache, I heard God’s voice clearly say “This is why I sent my son, to give Britney hope for a better life and so that in her confusion she would know her father in heaven truly loves her, to be the comforter for your friends through their parents divorce, to be a light to the one in darkness, to give hope to a lost generation.” It something I have always “known” yet never fully grasped.

            And so, a blue seashell sparked an unforgettable epiphany. The treasured shell now holds the place of honor on my nightstand, reminding me of the broken hearts God our Father sacrificed his precious son for. Not a day goes by that I don’t lift Britney and the many others like her to God in prayer, begging God to hold them close and let them know the hope and love Jesus died to give them.

           

 

My Papa

 

            My dad is the most amazing dad I could have ever asked for. When my sister and I were younger he always made a point to makes us feel special. He would take us on dates, play games with us, let us help him with the yard work, and many other things. On his business trips, when everybody else headed out to do whatever, he headed for the nearest toyshop to look for something to get his little girls to let them know that daddy thought about them on his trip. On the plane trip home when everyone else was grumpy and moody, my dad was grinning, thinking of those two blonde heads and smiling faces that would run to greet him, tell him how much he was missed, and ask him to never ever leave again.   

 

            Pretty much every night he goes to bed late because he is usually trying to fix something or do something on the computer for his family or for work. He wakes up at 5:00 everyday to go to work so that we can live in our great house and have all the blessings we do. He sacrifices many holidays and weekends to work on his “honey-do list” as well as giving up numerous bike-riding opportunities to spend time with his family. He puts up with three giggly, moody, and unpredictable women, and does it with a smile (he secretly loves it! ;). Even when all three of us get the “giggles” during family prayer time, he patiently and silently waits for us to settle down and eventually asks, “are you finished yet?” while trying to hide his smile and continues with his prayers. He suffered through countless chick flicks just so that he could spend time with his girls (deep down I think he really likes them ;). Who knows the number of hours of precious sleep he lost because of sleepovers that filled his house with a giggling gaggle of girls whom he could not get to shut up for the life of him! When most fathers would get frustrated and mad, my dad would laugh and smile and find a way to have a good time.

 

            In recent years, he has taken to driving the mini van to work everyday so that his daughter doesn’t have to drive the “big boat.” He has set aside his own expectations and plans as he watches his girls drive off to see friends instead of spending every “free day” with him. I have never known my dad to complain when he is asked to finance our “girl outings.” While he isn’t frivolous, my dad always thinks it an honor to bless His girls with money for the occasional pedicure or shopping spree and never hesitates to tell us so. Not many teenage girls can get their dads to go clothes shopping with them, have a good attitude, and actually let them buy the clothes they want; but that was never a problem with my dad.

            Well, my list could go on and on. Yes, my dad isn’t perfect and no, we don’t always get along. But I think I said it best when I was little and I told my dad, “Papa, if I asked Jesus to send me the very best dad out of all the dads in the entire world, I think he would send me you!”

 

Papa Bear, Thank you for everything!… I’ll love you forever and always!

Moving on

Wow, I never actually thought the day would come when I would be done with High school… but here I am! After 12 long years of school, I am finally finished!!!!!  I don’t really know how I expected to feel but I sure wasn’t prepared for the strange feelings I now face… Its like everything I have known is now suddenly changing in ways I don’t understand. In some ways I am super stoked to be done and find out what God has in store for me but the childish part of my is a bit apprehensive and unsure of heading off into the unknown. People keep asking “how does it feel to be graduated?” and I have yet to come up with a clear answer. On the one hand, I don’t feel that different at all but on the other, I feel like I am an entirely different person. What is the difference between who I was last month and who I am today? I believe the change comes from the sudden realization that the biggest chapter of my life thus far is now coming to a close. As my senior year comes to an end and I thoughtfully finish my last paper, so the Author of my life is carefully crafting the last sentence that sums the last 12 years of my life. Yet has He brings closure to one chapter, I can feel Him building suspense and setting up for the next. Its almost as if I am reading my own story, anxiously waiting to see what the next pages will bring. 

 

As some of you know, Nanny School (Northwest Nannies Institute) is my next step. So starting in September, I will be on my way to becoming a certified Nanny. Even though I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is God’s plan for me, I somehow still feel like I am stumbling around in the dark, unsure if I am moving forward or backwards or in the right direction. I feel completely disoriented as I try and learn how to trust God in this new season that I don’t understand.  The other day when I was feel especially lost and confused, I was reading my bible when I came across a verse in Isaiah that totally brought the much needed peace to my heart: 

 

“But I’ll take the hand of those who don’t know the way,

who can’t see where they’re going.

I’ll be a personal guide to them,

directing them through unknown country.

I’ll be right there to show them what roads to take,

make sure they don’t fall int othe ditch.

These are the things I’ll be doing for them –

Sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute.”

-Isaiah 42: 15-16 (Message). 

 

Mmmmm…. Nothing can top the peace of God! One of the themes God has been teaching me over the last few years is accepting that i don’t know where I am going and being satisfied trusting that He does. While my mind still does not have everything all figured out, my heart is at peace knowing God has always been and always will be faithful to reveal each step at just the right moment. Such as, at this time I have absolutely no clue what I will be doing after I graduate next June! but somehow, I have complete trust that God will open those doors and show me the way right when I need it… and not before! Sometimes I think if God showed us the map of our lives we would get so scared and overwhelmed we would run away! lol!

 

So where does all this leave me? Well, I am pumped out of my mind for Nanny School, excited to see where God will take me after that, continuing to put God first in my life, trusting that as I seek Him He will guide my steps, and last of all, I am siting back and enjoying the ride! I have the best guide ever Who knows EXACTLY where He is taking me!… What more could I ask for? : ) 

Your Love

I woke up this morning

In awe of your love for me: 

 

Your love is unconditional,

Nothing I ever do will change it. 

 

Your love is pure, 

Not tainted by hidden motives. 

 

Your love is gentle, 

Never condemning, always comforting. 

 

Your love is wise, 

Wise enough to do what’s best. 

 

Your love is unfathomable,

Just the thought takes my breath away.

 

I woke up this morning humbled and in awe,

of just how deep your love is for me. 

 

 

 

Dogs vs. cats

Ever since I can remember I have always wanted a dog! Every birthday and christmas and all the days in between, my number one wish was for a puppy. Sadly, my parents were never too keen on the idea (they are die hard cat lovers). They always told me dogs were a lot of work and responsibility, but I never really believed them. So I grew up in a cat family, never seeing my dream of owning a cut little doggie come true.

In light of that fact, I spent the last week house sitting for some friends and taking care of their two dogs. Well, it turns out my parents were right after all… as usual! As much fun as I had and as sweet as the dogs were, I have forever been cured of ever wanting a dog! lol! After days of walking them in the pouring rain, picking up crap, being jolted awake by random barking, and having to figure plan my schedule around letting the dogs out… yeah I’m done.

I am now perfectly content to stick to my wonderful cats who practically take care of themselves! Not to mention the fact that you can leave them alone for days on end and not have to pay someone to house sit them! Haha, it goes without saying that I missed my baby girl so much this week!… Ahhhhh, its so nice to be home :) 

The greatest Joy

Over the last few years I have been surprised to find myself frequently asking “why is life so darn hard?” For those of you have have never be there, this is a very frustrating and difficult way to go through life. Recently though, I have begun to realize that the real question is “why is God so good and life so amazing?” Haha, seriously! I don’t deserve to even have a life, let alone a blessed one! Even still, God never ceases to poor out His favor upon me.

God uses the simplest moments and most humble servants to show His love and blessing

Whether its providing me with an awesome job, sending someone to pay for my Starbucks when I don’t have enough money, a stranger’s smile to brighten my day, giving me incredible friends to lift me up, a hug when I need it the most, a child laugh to bring a smile, a friend praying for me “just because”, or spending time with my creator all reflect God’s goodness towards me. These are very small yet very significant ways I am constantly blown away by how God uses the simplest moments and most humble servants to show His love and blessing. I continue to be utterly amazed at how gracious, kind, and loving God is to me every single day that I’m alive.

People always say, “life is what you make!” and it is only recently that I have discovered how true this is. The way I see it, you can either go through life with a depressed out look and rarely be happy or, you can choose to go through life happy despite the occasional let down. On top of that, I strive to look at the trials I face as an opportunity to become more like God. The fact of the matter is, there is truly no greater joy than to grow closer to the Father through brokenness and tears. What an honor to have the Kings of Kings hold you through it all. While at the same time, He is helping you to become more and more like Him.

Growth through learning….

Although in some ways, the last few weeks have been really difficult for me, it has also been amazing. God is so faithful to be my strength and show how to take my circumstances and turn them into his glory. That is true joy to me, knowing that at times your life sucks but choosing to love God anyway. Life isn’t always perfect, and since we can’t change it, we might as well learn from it :)

You can always find joy in pain…

If you ask God to do something, he will do it!…

People are a blessing. No exceptions… 

Seek and serve God wholeheartedly, he will take care of the rest…

You learn the most at life lowest point…  

You can always learn something from everyone in every situation…

 God is good all the time…

and all the time, God is good!   

Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by how much God is teaching me.  Many of these “lessons” are simple and may seem cliched and I have by no means mastered any of them! But to me, its been, and will continue to be,  an incredible journey! 

Somehow we always make it through 

Somehow we always find a way

Somehow one small step at a time

Somehow we keep on going. 

 

Right when we feel we can’t go on

God reaches down and lifts us up.

Right when the darkness seems the darkest

The morning sun breaks through the night.  

Writing…

I see the big picture

and I hear Your voice. 

Desperately I try my best,

To express it through mere words.

I can make no promises

save that I will try.  

 

Sonnet

In one of my classes I had to write a sonnet. Due to the nature of my class my topic choice was limited. So here is my effort at Shakespeare… 

The sun shines on the trees far up above

While I sit here beneath all of the shade.

In awe of your creations made with love,

I see and know your presence shall not fade.

 

The oceans roar and waves do might’ly crash

In reflection of just how great you are.

To say your love is good may seem so rash,

But For you, my heart beats and stays ajar.

 

When troubles come, you’re there holding me tight,

Helping me get through all life’s many griefs.

With you close, nothing gives me fright!

Strongly I’ll forever hold to my beliefs.

 

Without you, I would be nothing at all.

I’m so thankful, at your feet I do fall.